Kevin's Konundrum w wersji do nauki angielskiego ebook

Redakcja: Jadwiga Witecka

Projekt okładki: Urszula Szkuta-Kruk

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Lektor: Josh Skjold

Copyright © 2024 by Paul Lenarczyk, Marta Fihel

Copyright © 2024 by Poltext Sp. z o.o.

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ISBN 978-83-8175-645-7 (epub)

ISBN 978-83-8175-646-4 (mobi)

Kevin’s Konundrum to pełna humoru i niespodziewanych zwrotów akcji opowieść o poszukiwaniu miłości. Tytułowy Kevin Malone otrzymuje stanowisko na lokalnym uniwersytecie, odnawia dawne przyjaźnie i poznaje piękną młodą dziewczynę gotową na kontynuowanie znajomości. Niespodziewanie pojawiają się jednak inne kobiety, a przede wszystkim Maryann, dawna niespełniona miłość, o której Kevin nie potrafi zapomnieć. W dodatku liczne rodzeństwo Malone nie potrafi dojść do porozumienia w sprawie odziedziczonego majątku. Wkrótce okazuje się, że niemal każda osoba z otoczenia Kevina skrywa jakąś tajemnicę, a on sam musi rozwiązać niejedną zagadkę, aby wyplątać się z sieci kłamstw i intryg, a być może znaleźć prawdziwą miłość.

Żywy język powieści to wspaniała okazja do odświeżenia i poszerzenia autentycznego, używanego na co dzień słownictwa. Kanadyjski angielski pod względem leksykalnym jest bardzo podobny do amerykańskiej odmiany angielskiego, ale pisownia niektórych wyrazów (np. neighbour, theatre) jest zgodna z zasadami ortografii brytyjskiej.

Opracowany przez nas podręcznik oparty na oryginalnym tekście powieści został skonstruowany według przejrzystego schematu:

PART I

BEFORE YOU READ

Focus on the Text

1. Read the texts and fill the gaps with the words from the boxes.

What is a conundrum?

We can only make guesses about the origin of the word conundrum.

It is known that this word has been in use since the 1600s and went through (a)______ spellings like conimbrum or quonundrum, before the (b)______ form was established in the following century.

One explanation surrounding the etymology of conundrum suggests that it was initially crafted by academics at Oxford University as a form of (c)______ imitation of Latin, and later on earned (d)______ admiration for its light-hearted and amusing associations.

Although typically used to describe an unsolvable question or dilemma in the context of ethics, sociology, or economics, this term is occasionally used more casually to refer to anything mysterious or (e)______.

What is alliteration?

Alliteration is when words begin with the same letter and (f)______. It helps in creating a specific mood or tone. Alliteration is also used to highlight certain points and making them more (g)______.

Repeating the same sounds at the beginning of words can give the text a rhythm, even when there’s no (h)______ or meter.

Alliteration is hardly ever used in the whole text. It commonly consists of a few words to make up a sentence. At times, it can be employed with just two words.

Many (i)______ expressions have alliterative spelling, like dull as dirt or pleased as punch.

Alliteration is a popular (j)______ for humor, particularly in children’s literature. Children can easily recall (k)______ phrases, so TV shows for them use names like “Bob the Builder” and “Mickey Mouse”.

2. Decide if the statements below are true or false.

A. Even today conundrum can be spelt in many different ways, such as quonundrum or konundrum.

B. Alliteration was first used around 1600.

C. Kevin’s Korner and Kevin’s Konundrum are alliterated titles.

Answers

1. a) different b) current c) playful d) considerable e) puzzling f) sound g) memorable h) rhyme i) idiomatic j) technique k) catchy

2. A. false B. false C. true

Everyday Language

A) Match the informal words from the box with their equivalents.

1.

yes

yeah,

2.

no

3.

prostitute

4.

stupid guy

B) Match the idioms (1–8) with their definitions (A–H).

1. drop a bombshell

2. freak the hell out of somebody

3. get a hold of somebody

4. have a way with something

5. have the hots for somebody

6. rub something into somebody’s face

7. sad sack

8. throw somebody for a loop

A. bring up an unpleasant subject

B. desire someone sexually

C. get in touch with someone

D. inept person who unintentionally makes mistakes

E. scare someone to death

F. share unexpected shocking news

G. shock someone

H. skillfully use something

C) Read the sentences and decide what each phrasal verb means.

1. Being fed up with their housemate, Trevor and Anna quickly found a pretext to kick him out.

2.Carry on, children, you’re doing great, but we need to hurry.

3. Failing to come up with any better options for our all-inclusive holiday, we passed the time lounging around the resort.

4. Additionally, we recommend that you look into the program and course requirements.

5. Organic cocoa-coated almonds are a delicious snack when you need to give in to a sweet craving.

6. It finally dawned on me that neither of my so-called allies had been honest with me.

7. Philip’s priority was to branch out overseas, whereas his partner opted for expanding domestic markets.

8. I really don’t know how we’re going to make it up for the kids – they were promised that Disney World trip six months ago. Any hints?

A. check, explore and analyze

B. do something for somebody whom you disappointed

C. expand business activity

D. force somebody to leave

E. go on, continue

F. not resist a temptation

G. occur to somebody, spring to mind

H. spend time somewhere doing nothing

Answers

A) 1. yep 2. naw, nope, nah 3. whore, slut, floozy 4. jerk, prick, schmuck, bastard

B)1. F 2. E 3. C 4. H 5. B 6. A 7. D 8. G

C)1. D 2. E 3. H 4. A 5. F 6. G 7. C 8. B

1.

Dr. Gordon Winslow, the ex-Dean of Arts of St. Augustine’s University in my quiet hometown of Williamstown, NB, and member of the hiring committee for the new position of Head of Kinesiology for which I had applied, and my ex-father in law, called me on a Monday morning in the summer. He sounded excited.

“Kevin,” he said, “I’m glad I caught you. Please tell me you’re still in town.”

“Hey Gord. I am.” I was staying with my one-time and now again best friend Jamie Stevenson after having been unceremoniously kicked out of my Malone family home by my ingrate of a brother Michael.

“Good. I have some exciting news,” Gord sounded elated. I was hopeful. I was really enjoying my time back in my hometown of Williamstown after a number of years spent teaching gym at a public high school up the Fundy coast in the much bigger and much dirtier Port City of Saint John.

I sat down because I knew if he was starting that way it meant my life was about to get better. So much better.

It would be a big change, for sure, leaving all my professional friends behind in the “big city” of Saint John, but a move back to Williamstown for more than just a summer visit would have many advantages.

I found a chair.

“I’m listening,” I said, trying to sound casual.

“You got the job!” he said, just as excitedly as I was feeling.

“That’s amazing, Gord! Thank you so much!”

“You will accept it, right?”

“Of course!”

“Good. There was some discussion on the committee about whether you were serious or not and even though I wasn’t in on the interview I assured them that you were, and they believed me I guess. I didn’t want to come off looking like a liar.”

“Are you kidding? This is going to be amazing!”

“You know, they are looking for a visionary, and I told them, and they sensed from the interview, that you are the right man for the job. But you have to be careful. There were a few applicants who will be pissed with the decision. A couple of them have their Ph.D.’s and you still beat them out. Your educational experience, and your coaching skills are what won it for you.”

“Thanks again. You don’t know how much I appreciate this.”

“You’re welcome, Son.”

I knew that he was feeling proud of me, and I almost started crying because nobody had called me son in that way in over five years. And Mom hardly ever called me that during the last year of her life, so it really had been even longer.

We made arrangements for me to come in and sign papers, and to start working on setting up the department. My position officially started August 15th, so there was really no time to waste. He invited me to the University Club for lunch after the signing the next day, and then we hung up.

I was thrilled. I jumped up and down and shouted out loud, realizing that since I was at Jamie’s all alone nobody would appreciate or be bothered by my enthusiasm. This was really beyond my wildest dreams.

And then I realized I had to tell someone right away. The first person who popped into my head was not my brother Michael, but Maryann Breen, the still mysterious woman whom I’d only known for a short time, but to whom I felt closer than I did to anyone in the world at the moment, but since my fight with Mikey the other day, I decided it would be best to forgo the announcement just yet. If my sister Annie had been around, I would have told her. Jamie wouldn’t be back from work for hours, so the only other person I could think of sharing this news with was my buddy Chad back in Saint John.

So what’s a guy to do in that situation? I could have called, I supposed, but this was an in person kind of piece of news, so instead I jumped in my car and hit the highway for the bigger city. I drove around Williamstown at first though, just to see if there were any for sale signs on any houses that looked like they might be in my price range. There were very few properties for sale in our little liberal artsenclave of Southwestern NB, but I did see a couple not too far from campus that had some potential. I took down the names of some real estate agents, and then headed back to the Port City.

I found Chad at Big Tide even though it wasn’t Tuesday. He was already sloshed even though it was only six pm.

“Do you ever go home?” I greeted my friend.

“If you had five kids at home and one on the way, you’d stay at a pub all evening too.”

“Your kids don’t live with you,” I said. I knew wives number one and two had full custody of their respective children and Chad only had visitation rights and support payments. Fortunately, the relatively well-to-do lawyer could afford them. Somewhat.

“True. I do have one and a really cranky pregnant wife, though.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. I’d almost forgotten about that. “What are you drinking?”

“Beer.”

“Genius.”

I ordered him another and then one for me. Kelly, the super friendly, super sexy waitress I’d had the hots for ever since I’d started coming to Big Tide when it first opened, brought it over with a smile.

“The usual for you, Kevin?” she asked.

“Sure.”

The “usual” here was a quesadilla. I wondered if I’d have a plaque with my name on it here the way I did at the Red Dragon in Williamstown, but then I realized it was more likely that Chad would get one at Big Tide.

“I got some news,” I said to Chad after watching her cute ass disappear in the kitchen.

“Oh?”

“Guess where I’m going to be living starting in August?”

He looked at me suspiciously. I realized I hadn’t really told anyone in Saint John about my plans for the SAU job. They weren’t really “plans” because I didn’t really think I had a chance, but here it was.

“The moon? No idea.”

“Williamstown.”

“What? Why?”

“You know how I love the place.”

“Only you, Kevin. Jesus, why the hell would you want to move back to that hole?”

“I love Williamstown.”

“Yeah. I know. You miss it. Blah blah blah. Did you get a teaching transfer? I thought that teachers couldn’t do transfers between districts.”

“They can’t.”

“So, what are you gonna do?”

“Teach at SAU.”

“Really? They have Phys Ed?”

“They’re going to.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m the new head of Kinesiology,” I said proudly. Just then our dinner arrived.

“What about Kinesiology?” Kelly asked.

“St. Augustine’s University has a new program,” I said.

“Oh yeah. Is that the school in Williamstown?” she asked.

“Yes indeed.”

“Cool. I always wanted to study Kinese.”

I looked her up and down. She definitely had the body for it.

“You should look into it. I know a guy who can get you in.”

“Oh?”

“Yup. You’re looking at the new Head of Kinesiology, St. Augustine’s University.”

“Wow!”

Chad was also impressed.

“Way to go, Kev,” he said.

“Thanks.”

“When do you start?”

“The fifteenth,” I said, proudly.

“It’s probably too late to apply for this year,” Kelly frowned.

“Probably. But you should put in an application for next year. I’ll put in a good word for you.”

“Cool. And we’ll miss you around here.”

“I can still come once in a while.” She was flirting, so I flirted right back, even though she was probably way too young for me.

“That would be great,” she said with a smile.

She walked off to take an order at another table. I watched her ass again, in those tight jeans, as she went.

“You don’t want that,” Chad said, following my eyes. “Trust me.”

“Seriously?”

“Oh yeah. Bad news.”

“Come on. You’re full of it.”

He blinked.

“You’re right. It’s just wishful thinking.”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“So, you’re really doing it? Moving back to Williamstown?”

“Of course. It’s an amazing job.”

“Take a leave of absence.” The ever-professional Chad was back. Always on the ball with the good ideas. “Just in case things don’t work out.”

“Cool. Thanks, man.”

“I’m proud of you, Kev. It sounds like a wonderful job for you.”

“I think so too. And I’ll be running the soccer program too.” Chad and I had played together at SAU.

“Awesome. And you can finally rub it into Mikey’s face. You have just as good a job as him. Maybe better because you’ll be the department head, right?”

That hadn’t even occurred to me, but he was right. Mike had a Ph.D. and more years in, but probably my teaching years would count towards experience, and I knew from Mom’s time as Department Head that there were perks for that. Including more money.

“Hey, you need to help me find a house.”

“What?”

“Or at least do the legal work for me.”

Chad had done the deed when Diane and I bought our place on Lower West. And he got us out of it when we divorced.

“Of course. I can help you to look too. I’ve wanted to buy a summer place outside Williamstown for a while now. Oak Bay maybe. Or Oak Haven.”

These were two tiny “suburbs” of our hometown.

“You have?”

“Nah, just kidding. But maybe now I can.”

We continued drinking late into the evening. When I got home that night, back to my apartment, I had a number of texts. Some from Maryann. One from Mike. And a couple from Ottawa. Luckily, I didn’t return any in my drunken state. Everything would have to wait until morning. I fell asleep in my clothes on the couch with the TV on Sportsnet.

2.

My cell phone ringing woke me. It was a local number, but not one I recognized. It was only 1 am. Who the hell was calling me at this hour, I wondered?

“Hello,” I answered, groggily.

“Hi, Kevin?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s Kelly. From Big Tide?”

“Hey Kelly.” I didn’t remember giving her my cell number.

“How are you?”

“Fine. How are you?” I sat up and blinked trying to wake up the rest of the way. My head was surprisingly relatively clear after my nap.

“Fine. I just… I have your wallet here.”

“What?”

“Your wallet. It’s here at the restaurant.”

“Oh?”

I felt around my pockets and my jacket. Sure enough, it wasn’t where it was supposed to be. How had I gotten home?

“Wow,” I said. “I’m glad you found it.”

“Yeah. I wondered if you were still Uptown?”

“No, Kelly, I’m sorry. I’m at home.”

“Oh. Too bad.” There was a long and uncomfortable pause.

“Did you want me to bring it over to your house?” she said at last.

My mind started racing. Was she asking what I thought she was asking or was she just being nice?

“You don’t have to do that, Kelly.”

“But did you want me to?”

“Of course.”

“Cool. I have your address here on your driver’s license. I’ll be there shortly. I actually live near you.”

“Oh good.”

Ten minutes later she was knocking on my door.

“Hey,” she said with a bright smile as I let her in the door. I had tidied the place up a bit in the ten minutes, but since I hadn’t been there for a while it wasn’t too big of a mess. A little dusty, maybe. She was holding my wallet in her long slender fingers. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

I let her into my apartment and into my life.

It was a bit of an inconvenientturn of events, actually. I mean, Kelly was spectacular. She had to be all of twenty-five, I think, but was the fittest woman I’d ever been with. I don’t know how many times we managed to do it that first night, but based on how tired I was at the end, I figured it was more than I’d ever done before in a single night. She was almost insatiable. I guess that must be what it’s like when you’re fit and in your twenties.

The next morning, at six-thirty, while she made breakfast and I lounged around in my underwear, I just sort of watched her move, as if not affected by the exertions of the night before. She was a lithe spirit.

“Morning,” she sang out when she saw that I was awake. “Breakfast?”

“Yes,” I said, getting myself out of bed. “I’m ravenous.”

She laughed. She was making French Toast. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“No. Carry on. I’m just going to wash up.”

“Sure. I can’t stay long.”

I cleaned myself up in the bathroom and then came back into the living room.

“Coffee?” I asked her.

“Yes. It’s made.”

I got our coffees ready and took my spot at the dining room table, waiting to be served, but really just sort of sitting there, stunned.

“You alright?” she asked when she served the food.

“Yeah.”

“Sorry if that was sudden and unexpected,” she said, sitting across from me, very comfortably like she belonged there.

“No, not at all. I mean, unexpected, yes. But no need to be sorry.”

She laughed and stuffed her little mouth with a huge chunk of the bread. I tried mine. It was delicious.

“Thanks for this,” I pointed to the food.

“I’m glad you like it. It’s my favourite breakfast.”

“Not bacon?”

“Never. Just French toast.”

“What do you have to do today? Why can’t you stay long?”

She hesitated for a moment, and looked at me with her piercing blue eyes.

“I’ve gotta pick up my kid.”

This was a stunningrevelation. I had no idea that she had a child. It didn’t occur to me that was even a possibility.

“Your kid?”

“Yeah. My son. He’s with his Dad. But today is the day we switch.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry. I thought you knew.”

“No.”

“OK.”

She finished her food in about two minutes and chugged her coffee.

“I really have to run. I hate to, but the childcarearrangement is pretty specific.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll see you tonight, though?”

“Tonight?”

“Trivia.”

“Oh yeah. Yes. I’ll try to be there.” I knew I had to get to Williamstown to sign those papers, but I’d hate to miss out on an evening of my usual, and possibly nearly last, trivia night, and Kelly of course.

I was stunned again. She was a whirlwind and she was gone. I finished my food slowly and mulled over how I had ended up in this situation.

My cell woke me from my reverie. It was just the soft bing of a text message, but it was enough to get me back to reality. I was shocked to see it was Ayida, the mysterious and exotic woman I had shared a wonderful whirlwind summer romance with. There were seven messages from her, actually. Five from Maryann, the other, and completely different in every way, woman that I’d been sleeping with these days, and my brother Michael’s sort of ex girlfriend. There were also two messages from him. And two from my youngest sister, Annie. And another one from my ex-wife, Diane.

What the hell was going on?

I decided to shower first and then get at the messages in order.

Ayida’s were pretty short. Mostly “hi how are you and can we talk.” Number seven though, sent eighteen hours after number one, was pretty insistent. “Call Me. Now.” was what it said. So I did.

“Hello?” I said when she picked up.

“Hi.”

“What’s going on? You keep texting.”

“Yeah. I have some news.”

I wondered if she was coming for a second trip to the east coast this summer. I didn’t think I had it in me after that first one which had been epic. Suddenly I felt like the playboy of the East Coast.

“What is it, Ayida? Actually, I have some news too.”

“You do?” This seemed to stop her in her tracks. “What’s yours?”

“No, you tell me yours. Apparently, it’s important,” I tried to joke.

“I think so.”

“Well?”

“I’m late.”

“Oh, do you want to call me later then?”

“No, you idiot. I’m not late for work. I’m late for… well… my period.”

I let this sink in for a minute because I’d never heard words like that from anyone before and I certainly didn’t expect to hear them from Ayida.

“What?” I managed lamely at last.

“I’m late. I’m never late. I told you how regular I am, right? Very regular. I’ve been on the pill since I was fifteen. Never missed. The last ten years my periods are exactly twenty-seven days. I’m two days late.”

“Oh,” I sighed. I didn’t yet realize how serious this was.

“This is serious,” she continued, as if reading my mind.

“OK.”

“You know what I’m saying here, don’t you, Kevin?”

“Well,” I was returning to my wits and senses, “you should do a test.”

“Yes, genius, I know that. I just wanted to talk to you before I did it.”

“Why?”

“Because… I don’t know. It’s a big deal, I guess.”

“Did you talk to your other boyfriend about it too?”

“Other boyfriend?”

“The one-date wonder?” She’d told me about this other guy she’d been seeing in Ottawa while we were on our trip.

“Oh. Yeah, no. I haven’t seen him since I got back from Newfoundland.” We’d traveled around Newfoundland on our trip earlier that summer.

“Right, but you were seeing him before you came for our trip, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well?”

“I suppose.”

“Well, I think you should do the test.”

“I will tomorrow.”

“Why tomorrow?”

“It has to be first thing in the morning.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I just thought you should know.”

“OK. What time do you get up?”

“Six.”

“I’ll be waiting for a call.”

“Thanks. What was your news?”

“What?”

“You said you had news too.”

“Oh yeah. I got a new job.”

“Oh? I didn’t know you were looking.”

“Yeah. It’s still teaching, but at a university.” I gave her the details.

“That’s amazing, Kevin. Congratulations. Really.”

“Thanks.”

We exchanged a few more pleasantries and hung up. I couldn’t believe this news. Was I really about to be a father? I mean what was Ayida going to do about being pregnant with a guy who was not even her boyfriend? This was a mess, or certainly had the potential to be so. But if she was pregnant, and since she was including me in this call, I figured she would let me be part of her decision making about a potential pregnancy. Well, I supposed, not everything in my life could possibly be going well at the same time. Shit. This was huge.

I decided it was best to be systematic. I checked off the other messages on my phone. Michael’s first was a brief “congratulations.” His second just said, “I told the girls.” So, Annie’s were also congratulatory in nature. And so was Diane’s. “We can be colleagues now,” was how hers ended. A couple of Maryann’s also had to do with my new job. It was amazing how quickly word of something like this spread through a small town. Her other ones were about how I was doing and when she’d be seeing me again. And her last one said: “I heard about you and Mike. Call me.”

My big fight with my brother, that ended up with me being kicked out of our family home, was about her, so I wasn’t entirely surprised that Mikey had told her about it.

I was sick of messages from women asking me to call them, but I still gave in to her request because her gorgeous body and face flashed into my mind.

“Hi,” she greeted me with her usual excitement. But then her enthusiasm faded “can I call you back?”

“OK.”

“I’m just in the middle of class,” she added. She was teaching a summer music camp, I remembered.

“Oh. Sure. When are you done?”

“Four.”

“OK. I’ll be here.”

“Are you still in town?”

“Not at the moment. I’m back in Saint John. Had to get some things. Start packing. But I’ll be there this afternoon.”

“OK. I’ll call you at four.”

I hung up and looked around the apartment. In the years I’d lived here since the divorce from Diane I’d managed to collect a lot of junk. Luckily, I was not the kind of person to get too attached to stuff, so I knew a lot of it could be tossed. I grabbed some totes from my closet, some garbage bags from the kitchen, and a suitcase or two from under my bed, and started packing and sorting. It wouldn’t take me too long, but I figured I might as well begin and still make it to the signing of papers which was scheduled right before lunch.

There were a number of bings of texts congratulating me on the new job and some emails outlining the first days of my job. Basically, I’d be starting right away and I’d have to get all the paperwork done this afternoon. There was some sort of orientation for new employees as well which would be tomorrow. I started making notes of all this and that got me packing up some of my work-related gear. My personal laptop, my diplomas, any files I had, my Master’s textbooks, coaching texts, and so on. As I was going through it all, I realized I was going to be saying goodbye to one phase of my life and starting something completely different. This was exciting and scary at the same time. I looked around this small apartment I’d lived in for five years now, and realized quickly that I wouldn’t miss it. I was ready for a new adventure, and I was excited for it. I certainly hoped that this new adventure would not include a kid that was on the way in Ottawa, though.

I left at ten for the paper signing at eleven. I did all the paperwork at the university, and then went out to lunch at the University Club with Gord. He was very welcoming and warm. As a surprise, he brought Diane along. She had been spending the summer in Williamstown. It was actually nice to see her after a long while. We had a nice catch-up session and promised we’d see each other more in the future. Our failed marriage was far enough in the past that we were able to be more than just civil, and probably actually manage to be friends.

“Not like we’ll be going to any of the same conferences, but we are both university professors now, so I guess we can hang out,” she said with her characteristic sarcasm.

Of course, in the next few days, I also eagerly awaited the results of Ayida’s test in Ottawa. Strangely, though, she didn’t message me that day, or the next day, or the day after that. I harangued her with messages and phone calls, but she didn’t answer. With every unanswered text message, email and telephone ring, I got more and more worried, but there really wasn’t too much more than I could do. I mean I wasn’t about to jump on a plane and fly to Ottawa. Though, frankly, it was very tempting.

One of the worst parts about the situation was that I had no one to talk to about it. Annie was still away with my our other older sisters, Mike and I didn’t talk about that kind of stuff, or anything at all at the moment, Chad and Jamie were already helping me with house hunting and moving, so it was just another thing I didn’t want to burden them with, and for some reason my other teacher friends in Saint John were just not people I could talk to about something like that.

But I did talk to Diane. It was after our lunch with her Dad, after I’d tried unsuccessfully to reach Ayida, and she noticed that I was distressed.

“What’s eating you, Kevin?” she asked as we strolled along the Main, as the long pathway from the University Club to the Upper Campus is called at SAU.

“Oh, nothing much.”

“Come on. I know you better than that. I mean you were appropriately excited at dinner about your new job, and you were just as testy with me in our verbalsparring as you usually are, but I can tell that you’re also somewhere else.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“See, there you go again.”

“I know. Look, it’s not something I really want to talk about.”

“So, there is something.”

“Yes, Di. You do know me well. We were married long enough that you can tell. You happy?”

“No. Are you?”

I realized that her no was not just a response to my question whether she was happy with the fact that she figured out something was wrong with me even though I had been trying to hide it, but also that she was just answering the general question about her happiness. This threw me for a loop. I mean, when someone you used to be married to is quite obviously unhappy, there may be a tendency towards feeling some sort of Schadenfreude, but I was not one for that emotion. I was far more sympathetic than that. I cared about Diane, not as a partner does anymore, but as a friend.

“Yes. I’m happy,” I said. It was only partially true. “But you’re not.”

“We’re talking about you now,” she said, deflecting.

“OK, but you just dropped quite a bombshell here, Diane. I am not just going to let that go.”

“We can circle back to that. Let’s focus on you right now.”

“Why me first?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because I said so.”

That was an old routine we had. She always won out.

“OK.”

“Wanna go to the Dragon and get wasted?”

“Sure. Like old times.”

“Yes.”

So, we ended up in my special booth, Kevin’s Korner, at my hometown local, the Red Dragon. My home away from home in Williamstown for a long time. And Diane’s too, in fact. Heads from some of the older regulars turned as we sat down because people knew about our divorce, of course.

“What’s going on?” she asked after ordering her usual.

I figured in some ways she was the best person to talk to about my big problem. I outlined it as best and succinctly as I could. I tried to stick to the facts and not embellish. It still took half an hour. Diane listened attentively and only interrupted with pertinent questions.

When I finished, she had a concerned look on her face.

“I hope she’s not pregnant. Or that it’s not yours.”

“I know. Me too.”

“Sorry. This must be tough.”

“Do you think it serves me right, though?”

She considered that carefully.

“Why would you think that?” she said at last.

“Well, I feel like maybe I’m being punished for my promiscuity.”

“Really? Kevin. Seriously. You’re not a kid. And you can’t be that Catholic after all these years.”

“What do you mean ‚that Catholic’?”

“You know what I mean. You don’t believe that sex before marriage is wrong. You don’t believe homosexuality is a sin. You don’t believe that thinking about sex is as bad as having it. Do you?”

“No, I guess not.”

“So, why would you think that this pregnancy scare, and let’s be honest here, this could be nothing but a scare, for whatever reason, or even if Ayida is pregnant, it could be someone else’s, right? So why would you think that this is some kind of cosmic punishment for you just being a regular single guy?”

“You think what I’m doing is OK?”

“Of course!”

“But I have multiple sexual partners at the same time,” I said, realizing I sounded like a confused teenager or something instead of a nearly forty-year old man.

“Oh please. We live in the twenty-first century in Canada. This isn’t a Sharia law country. It’s not even the old world. It’s not the Bible Belt. I mean, sure, Charlotte County, New Brunswick is hardly the progressive capital of the world, but our town is still a relatively liberal place. And Saint John is even more so, in some ways because it’s a city. Are you being dishonest? Of course. Is this a horrible crime? No. Not anymore. Did you ever tell any of these women you were being exclusive with them? No. Are any of them being exclusive with you? It doesn’t sound like it. So why are you beating yourself up over this?”

I had to think about that. I looked deep into her dark brown eyes.

“Because I’m one of the good guys.”

“Ah. There it is. Your existential crisis. Yes, Kevin, you are one of the good guys. But you cheated on me. And we were married. And I cheated on you. And it doesn’t mean you’re not one of the good guys.”

This was a paradox I was having a hard time with indeed. I thanked her for her insight and then we turned to her troubles.

“In a nutshell,” she said, “Phil is not the guy I thought he was.”

Phil was the university professor who was the direct cause of my divorce from Diane, since he’d been sleeping with her for some time.

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“Who did you think he was?”

“I thought he was the man I wanted to be with because I thought he had the same expectations for life that I did. He doesn’t.”

“How so?”

“He doesn’t want to just be with me. He has someone else in his life. And he’s not willing to give him up.”

This was another bombshell. I think I gasped.

“Wow.”

“I know, right?”

“Yeah. Wow. I’m sorry, Diane.”

“Yeah. Me too. I really liked him, you know?”

“I know. So, what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. I think I might come spend more time in Williamstown, actually. Phil hates this town. He never comes here. I may also start applying for jobs elsewhere. Maybe I need a change from Saint John, or maybe even New Brunswick, you know?”

“So, you guys are breaking up?”

“At least taking a break.”

“Yeah. Wow.”

“Yup.”

“But you’re OK?”

She gave me a sympathetic look.

“Sure. I think I’ll be fine. I just need to get my head on straight again, you know?”

“I guess I do.”

“What a couple of…”

“…sad sacks.” I finished the thought for her.

She laughed.

“I was going to say losers, but sad sacks is better. Your Mom, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She had a way with words.”

“Yeah.”

“I miss her.”

“Me too.”

And so we wrapped up our conversation about serious things. We drank more and ate some more and chatted with some old friends who were also at the bar on that gorgeous summer afternoon in August, and things were OK for a little while. I even forgot about trying to reach Ayida again for a bit. And four o’clock came and went and Maryann never did call back.

***

I headed back to Saint John to make it for trivia at Big Tide at seven. After trivia, I did get a chance to talk to Kelly. After her shift was done, Big Tide closed at midnight, she came over to my table where I was the only remaining member of Smarty Pints sitting there and closing the place. Even Chad had left for O’Leary’s by then. I lingered because I wanted to talk to her again, I guess.

“Hey,” she said, sitting down and smiling a very tired smile at me.

“You must be beat,” I said, trying to sound sympathetic.

“I am.”

“But you’re done now?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Desperately.”

“Pizza?”

“God, no! I just need bed.”

“Why are you so tired?”

“I had a busy day, and it was a busy night, Kevin. Or hadn’t you noticed.”

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how hard this work is.”

“It’s fucking exhausting.”

“Do you want a drive home?”

“Nah, I have my car.”

“Oh. OK.”

“You stayed around to chat? You have something on your mind?”

“No, it’s OK. No big deal. I’m sorry.”

“You were checking your phone an awful lot. Not during trivia, mind you, I was happy to see that. So was Aaron.”

There was a no cell-phones rule at trivia for obvious reasons and Aaron was the Trivia host and phone nazi.

“Yeah, no. It’s not a big deal.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“OK. Look, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, though.”

“No. You don’t owe me anything.”

“OK. Thanks. Goodnight.”

And she got up and left. I wanted to go after her, but then I decided it was pointless. I mean I wasn’t going to tell her about Ayida anyway. Kelly and I had just had a one night stand, I was only making it out to be something much bigger than it was. I did like her, but was this just another Maddy? Thinking this way made me really start to think that I’d need to go to Ottawa. If I didn’t hear anything by Friday, I really would just go ahead and fly up there just for the weekend. I mean I needed to know, right? I had to have some sort of answer, didn’t I? But that was still a few days away. Maybe she’d have called me by then.

3.

The next few days were a whirlwind. I traveled to Williamstown with one load of my stuff after another, but since I had nowhere to put it yet, I just left it all in Jamie’s garage. On each trip I also went looking at houses with either Jamie or Chad, but I didn’t have very much luck. And, of course, I was learning my new job. I was a department head. It was a tiny department, but as the head I’d still have some people reporting to me. One of those was the soccer coach who had started a few weeks earlier. He and I got on very well. We’d actually known each other back in my playing days. Chris Turner was a year younger than me, but we had played a couple of seasons together, including the championship-winning one. He had gone on to work for some European football clubs and had really become a highly-accomplished coach in the short time since university. He was going to be able to do what needed to be done to get the team to be competitive again. We still needed to hire a women’s soccer coach, and a couple of professors for the new department. We were only launching with first and second year kinesiology courses, but I wasn’t able to teach all of them and be the department head, so several more people had to be hired, and we had the budget for it, somehow.

On Thursday of that week I found a house in Williamstown. It was not just a coincidence either; it was the kind of good karma that you hear about happening to good people. It just worked out. Jamie’s fiancée Ola was back from Poland and getting things ready for their wedding. One day, though, she broke down in tears while she and Jamie were planning the seating arrangement for the reception dinner. I was with them when it happened. He’d invited me for supper – barbecue and beer that I was paying for because he’d promised me a free moving van for when it was time to move my furniture down from Saint John. He knew a guy with a truck. Actually, he was a guy with a truck. Stevenson’s Transport was mostly a people moving company, but they also had a cube van and a larger truck that they occasionally used. Jamie figured it would be good to branch out in the business, especially since university students coming to SAU often needed something and someone to move their furniture.

So, that day after dinner we were sitting down and doing up the seating plan for the wedding – the wedding was big: 200+ people. It was going to be under a giant tent on the Grand Parade at the university. It had been difficult to arrange this since it was the end of Frosh Week as well, but Jamie was very well-liked and respected in the community and the university president herself made sure this would go ahead. Conveniently, the tents were already going to be on site because the night before there would be a big concert as part of Frosh Week, so that worked out well. As we started placing Ola’s relatives, the poor girl started crying.

“Olu, what’s wrong?” Jamie, the bear, showed his most teddy-bear-like side.

“I was just thinking about my Babcia,” she was saying through very dramatic Eastern European sobs. “And how sad I was that she wouldn’t be here. And of course, that got me thinking about Mama too.”

Ola’s mother had been killed in a car crash three years earlier.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t know this would be so difficult for you.”

“We should have maybe just had a small wedding. In my parents’ backyard.”

“There’s barely enough room there for twenty people, Honey.”

“I know. But that’s what I mean. Maybe that’s all we needed. Now that poor house, sitting there, abandoned. I feel bad about it, too.”

And she wept again.

This was all just a bit too dramatic for my taste. The Malones were dramatic, but these Polish people took the cake.

“Honey, while we’re talking about it, I really think you need to just let go of that house,” Jamie said, in what I thought was a somewhat inopportune moment.

The crying stopped on a dime. Ola gave her husband-to-be a very nasty look that I didn’t want to be on the end of. Ever.

“What do you mean, ‚let go’?”

“I mean it’s time to sell it, Honey. You haven’t lived there for two years. Your brother and sisters haven’t lived there in six or seven. Your Mom is gone. Your Dad has moved back to Poland. He’s not coming back. You’re not going to live there with me, because we have this place, so why are you hanging on to it?”

Ola’s beautiful moonlike face looked like it was going to break down in tears again, but then she composed herself for a minute and took a deep breath.

“You’re right,” she said, with astonishing calm.

“Good.”

“But it has to go to a good person.”

“What?”

“I mean, I don’t want to just sell it on the open market, you know? Besides, think about it: if we can sell it without using an agent, we can get more money.”

“If only you knew someone who was looking for a house,” I said, sarcastically, to my former best friend and host.

“Yeah.”

And then it seemed to dawn on him.

“Kevin! My God! Honey, Kevin could move in there!”

And Ola’s face turned from watery moon to a bright sunshine.

“Of course! And Kevin is a really good guy, isn’t he? Kevin, would you consider it?”

I tried very hard to remember the house, but I hadn’t known the Kowalskis that well, so I wasn’t even sure where they lived. It could have been a dump, for all I knew.

“I could take a look,” I ventured.

“Oh, it would be perfect! You’re a good guy, and we could still come and visit, and I bet you’d look after the garden, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, sure,” I stuttered.

“Let’s go. Let’s go right now.” I realized Polish people got excited as dramatically as they got upset.

Before I really knew what was happening, we were in Jamie’s cab and driving across town to the Kowalski place. They lived in a newer part of town, but not the newest part. Williamstown had four distinct districts: Old Town, which was Uptown, Downtown and the University; New Town, more affectionately, though unoriginally, known as “The Peninsula” which was up the hill towards the Goddard place and the famous cookie factory, and back down the other side of the hill towards the tip of a peninsula on which Williamstown is located; West Side, which is a fancy name for a slightly more rural section of town on the way towards our nearest neighbouring town, St. Stephen; and East Side, which was also a fancy name for what was the newest part of town, along the banks of Oak Bay to the north of town, towards Oak Haven and Oak Bay itself which were two more adjacent communities. Jamie’s place, like mine, was in Old Town, and the Kowalskis’ was on the way up the hill towards the Goddard place. It was on Pine Street, off Hannah Road, just about on the dividing line between Old Town and New Town.

“Here we are,” Ola said, as Jamie pulled into a shady driveway next to a mid-twentieth-Century handsome two-story house. It was built in the style of the older houses in Old Town, but clearly was not built in the nineteenth or early twentieth century, but probably in the 1950s or early 60s. It was grey shingled and had a new-looking roof. There was a small glassed-in porch in front, and what looked like a larger one in the back, next to the garage which was at the end of the driveway. Jamie parked just beside the house in front of the garage. There was a handsome brick chimney on that side of the house.

“Come on in,” Ola said, jumping out of the passenger seat.

We walked up to the front door – not the usual way of entering a house in Williamstown as most people used each other’s side or back doors since those tended to lead straight into the kitchen, the traditional gathering place for family, friends, and neighbours. It was just at that moment that I realized I’d been played by my friends. They had been planning this all along, and they were giving me a real estate agent’s tour of the property. I sighed, but I played along.

The front door was an old and heavy red door, but quite recently painted. Inside the house had a fairly standard design – a staircase on the right, a narrow hallway straight ahead, and to the left of the stairs, and a gorgeous French door to the left of that, which opened into quite a sizeable living room, which then led to the dining room. Beyond that, reachable through the dining room, and down the hall from the front door, was the large country kitchen, the back door of which in turn led through a mudroom to the back porch, deck, and good-size backyard. Upstairs, which was reachable both from the front stairs, and a second stairway by the kitchen, there were three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The ensuite in the master bedroom had been recently updated and had a large soaker tub and a fancy glassed-in shower. The other two rooms were smaller, but decently sized, and the second bathroom was also updated. Overall, it was a great starter house, nicely and recently painted, with gorgeous wood floors, and new windows.

The backyard was the showpiece of the place. It was huge for one in town (double lot, Ola informed me), and relatively flat, despite being on the hillside, with mature trees and a sizeable and well-kept up vegetable garden on the right side of the yard. It was fenced-in, and there was plenty of room for a pool, as Jamie pointed out, and the deck was large enough to install a hot tub on it and still have tons of room left over for an outdoor grilling and dining set. In fact, it reminded me of the newly refurbished deck at Michael’s house, as I was now calling my old family home.

“This is amazing, you guys,” I said at the end of the tour. “Olga, how did you live here with a brother and two sisters?”

“The house used to have four bedrooms.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, there was no master bathroom. That was added after we left the house. And by added, I mean my room was turned into a bathroom.”

I hadn’t figured that out upstairs. It was very well done.

“Did your Dad do all the work himself?” I asked, remembering suddenly that her father was in fact a carpenter.

“Most of it. Oleg helped him a little.” Her slightly older brother, a good friend of Annie’s, liked to tinker atD-I-Y stuff as well.

“Nice. It’s amazing, Olga. Really is. I doubt I can afford it.”

“We can talk money later. We just wanted you to see it. And love it.”

“I do. It would be a perfect house for me,” I had to admit.

“Amazing,” Jamie exclaimed. “And it’s like it’ll be staying in the family!”

“Yeah…” I mumbled.

“We love you like a brother,” Ola said. “You know, Jamie is an only child, so this will be lovely for him.”

Jamie was not, in fact, an only child. He had an older sister, and a few older brothers, but they were quite a few years older, so Jamie had grown up almost like an only child.

“I’ll be happy to be part of the extended family. Especially because I don’t know that many people here anymore.”

“That’s true. And do you think you could even babysit for us sometimes?”

This was yet another bombshell. I was getting too many of those at the moment.

“What?”

“Well, we weren’t going to tell anyone before the wedding, but since you’re family.”

Olga was glowing. She also wasn’t drinking. Now I understood why. It also freaked the hell out of me. I felt like saying, “sure, I’ll babysit for you, if you babysit for me.”

“Congratulations, you guys! How far along are you?” I said instead.

“Only three months.”

“Well, that’s amazing. And how is it possible?” I did the math. She must have gotten pregnant while she was in Poland, but surely, she couldn’t have cheated on Jamie?

“Remember when I went to visit her in Poland?” Jamie calmed my fears.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Yeah. It was quite a fun visit. I saw none of Poland,” he laughed. His intendedblushed.

I looked at them with a smile. They really were becoming like family. I was moved that they were including me in this moment.

“That’s awesome, you guys. Congratulations. Who else knows?”

“Nobody. Well, my Dad,” Olga was explaining giddily, “but not even my brother or sisters.”

In addition to Oleg, she also had older twin sisters who were living in Montreal or Toronto now, I seemed to remember.

“You’ll tell them at the wedding?”

“Yes. I’ll probably be showing at least a bit by then, so yeah.” I thought that was highly unlikely considering the wedding was only a few weeks away, but I let her have the moment.

“OK. Well, that’s really quite a turn of events.”

“We knew you’d be happy for us.”

“I am.”

“There’s something else we wanted to ask,” Olga prodded her bearlike fiancé.

“Yeah, Kevin, I know we haven’t been super close these last few years. Hell, probably the last decade or so, but before that we were best friends. I `would love for you to be my best man.”

I thought this was quite late in the planning to ask that question, but I didn’t pry. Perhaps I was a second or third choice, but I didn’t care. I’d never been a best man to anyone before, and since Michael and I were so cold towards one another I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to be.

“Yes, of course. I’d be honoured.”

“Thank you, Lil’ Brother.” He gave me another of his trademark bear-hugs. “I appreciate it.”

Things were developing quickly. And somewhere in the back of my mind there was that nagging feeling of “what if I’m about to be a Dad too?”

I suddenly realized I had to get a hold of Ayida. And quickly, too. Or else book a flight to Ottawa for Saturday morning.

After you’ve read

Vocabulary Focus

Nature Idioms

“In a nutshell,” she said, “Phil is not the guy I thought he was.”

In a nutshell oznacza w skrócie. Oto jeszcze kilka idiomów z roślinami w roli głównej:

Kawałek

I spent a good chunk of time chatting with all of them together.

Chunk (lub hunk) to kawałek, kawał – na ogół spory i o nieregularnym, nieokreślonym kształcie. Kawałki i porcje możemy nazwać na wiele sposobów:

bitbardzo mały kawałek, lump/scrapkawałeczek czegoś (o nieokreślonym kształcie), barbela, baton, blockblok, polano, cubesześcian, kostka, slabdługi, szeroki i płaski kawałek, crumbokruch, dollopporcja papki, porcja czegoś kleistego, gałka lodów, scoopgałka lodów, grainziarenko, odrobina czegoś sypkiego, morselkęs, kąsek, kawałek, pinchszczypta, odrobina czegoś bardzo sypkiego, shredkawałek posiekanego pożywienia, pasek,sliceplasterek, kromka, titbit (BrE)/tidbit (AmE) kąsek, kawałek przysmaku, także w znaczeniu nagrody dla zwierzęcia/dziecka

Grammar Focus

Progressive and non-progressive form: verbs changing meaning

Niektóre czasowniki zmieniają znaczenie w zależności od tego, czy użyjemy ich w czasach ciągłych czy prostych. Dla przykładu – czasownik think w znaczeniu sądzić, uważać, mieć zdanie (na jakiś temat) może występować tylko w czasach prostych, natomiast think w znaczeniu myśleć, rozmyślać może mieć również formę ciągłą.

Te różnice przedstawia tabela.

Czasownik

Znaczenie – forma Simple

Znaczenie – forma Continuous

be

być, mieć jakieś cechy

She’s clever.

zachowywać się (jakoś)

You’re being silly.

look

wyglądać

He looks ill. He’s looking ill.

wyglądać (jak)

They say I look just like my mum.

patrzeć

What is she looking at?

think

uważać, sądzić

What do you think of my new shoes?

myśleć

She’s been thinking about their holiday plans.

have

mieć, posiadać

I don’t have anything to add.

inne użycia

(have a bath, have a meeting, have a chat)

I’m having a shower.

appreciate

cenić, doceniać

I appreciate your help.

zyskiwać na wartości

State bonds were appreciating in value.

see

widzieć

He saw something weird.

widzieć się (z kimś), spotykać się

I’m seeing my friends on Sunday.

smell

pachnieć

The roses smell wonderful.

wąchać

The girl was smelling flowers.

taste

smakować, mieć smak

The sauce tasted lovely!

kosztować, smakować, próbować (smak)

The cook is tasting the sauce.

measure

mieć określoną miarę, mierzyć (ileś)

What does the length of our kitchen table measure?

mierzyć (coś)

The carpenters are measuring the roof.

weigh

mieć określoną wagę, ważyć (ileś)

What do you weigh?

ważyć (coś)

I’m weighing the flour and sugar – I don’t want to spoil the cake.

feel

czuć się

I feel a little seedy today.

I’m feeling a little seedy today.

być (jakimś) w dotyku

The fabric felt smooth.

uważać sądzić

I feel you should stay at home.

Exercises

1. Match the verbs with correct prepositions to make phrases.

a. get married

to

with

for

from

somebody

b. fall in love

c. propose

d. break up

e. divorce

f. fall

g. fall out of love

h. make out

i. split up

j. hook up

k. flirt

l. get engaged

2. Fill in the gaps with the words from the box in the correct form.

a. The elderly man was feeding birds with bread______.

b. There’s quite a ______ of that French cheese in the fridge.

c. Add a ______ of salt to the dough.

d. Daddy, can we have some ice cream? Oh, just a ______ each!

e. I always carry some ______ for my dog – I’m trying to teach him obedience.

f. If you put one ______ of wheat on the first square of the chessboard, and double the number of ______ on every subsequent square, how many do you get on square 64?

g. A few ______ of coal was all the family had left.

h. This pineapple is delicious. Can I please have another ______?

3. Choose the correct option.

a. There was something scribbled on that scrap/slab of paper, but one would never make it out without a magnifying glass.

b. I can see something is bothering you, so stop beating about the woods/bush and tell me what’s up!

c. There was only a morsel/slab of bread in the boy’s bundle.

d. These roses smell/are smelling lovely.

e. She moved the glass, ice cubes/lumps tinkling gently in her scotch.

f. Now that she’s at the top of the tree/her voice, Catherine feels really satisfied.

Answers

1.a. to b. with c. to d. with e. from f. for g. with h. with i. with j. with k. with l. to

2.a. crumbs b. chunk c. pinch d. dollop e. titbits f. grain, grains g. lumps h. slice

3. a. scrap b. bush c. morsel d. smell e. cubes f. the tree